Marital satisfaction is such an essential part of human life. Each attachment style serves different effects in adult relationships. The attachment theory claims that they are developed during the first relationships of our lives. They’re the first experiences we have with bonding to another being, and they can be based on the quality of that bond when making newer connections. If you’re worried about building stronger and healthier connections, here are roles you can learn to be more aware of.
Secure Attachment
If a primary caretaker made your loved one feel safe, understood, and defended, they can more accurately and openly describe their feelings and emotional needs. This is called secure attachment. As an adult, they’re most likely confident, trusting and know how to build healthy relationships. They can respond well to intimacy needs and know how to navigate through the ups and downs of their relationships.
Insecure Attachment
If a primary caretaker made your loved one feel confused, neglected, or without a consistent emotional connection, they probably have a harder time opening up or feeling accepted. This is called insecure attachment. They may have had a harder time growing into a secure identity.
They may even have a hard time understanding their own and other’s emotions or needs. This attachment type responds differently to building and maintaining strong relations. They may feel limited in their abilities to love and nurture you. They may find it generally difficult to connect to others and can shy away from intimacy.
Anxious-Preoccupied
Your partner could also be dealing with an anxious-preoccupied attachment style. This means that your loved one may feel too clingy when it comes to their emotional and intimacy needs. They may feel anxiety about whether or not their partner really loves and wants them. Your partner may look forward to romantic relationships but doesn’t necessarily know how to ask for or build them. They may be lacking in self-esteem.
Avoidant-Dismissive
The avoidant-dismissive attachment style is also one to look out for. This is when someone finds it hard to connect to others because of an emotional need. They feel stifled by the closeness of a relationship. They shy away from closeness because they feel it’s unnecessary to be successful in a relationship. They’d rather the independence and freedom than be “tied-down.”
How To Handle It
If you’re recognizing that yourself or your significant other deals with insecure attachment, know that you can work together to change that. It’s absolutely possible to rebuild a more secure attachment from an insecure attachment. Start focusing on your verbal and nonverbal communication. Learn more about each other so that you can more accurately understand and help each other. It may also help to develop other relationships with those who are securely attached. Work on resolving any ignored childhood trauma. Consider therapy. It is totally possible to build trust and safety within yourself and your relationship again.
These attachment types from birth can leave lasting impacts on our lives. The attachment types are formed at infancy, and the infant’s brain has a profound understanding of the influence of a primary caretaker. Knowing these attachments styles can help you better understand your relationship with someone because they significantly shape our adult relationships.
Being able to recognize and understand these styles can help you better perceive your partner, and can give you an idea of how to better respond to your partner. This can be the key to overcoming problems.
Whatever the situation, identifying your and your partner’s attachment style can help you both learn how to develop a more secure and healthy way to face challenges together. It can also help you both build a stronger and more fulfilling relationship altogether.
If you need help with your marriage or relationship, contact our office today.
