Most relationships will face hardships throughout their time. Whether you have been married for one year or ten, there will be times when things get rough. It is an inevitable fact of life that marriage is not easy.
Nobody gets married expecting life to be completely flawless. There will be bumps on the road, hurdles to overcome, and storms to weather. There is so much added stress put on a marriage; rom raising kids, deaths, career changes, and navigating getting older. Not to mention the issues of infidelity, secrets, and conflict. With so many external factors, it can really create a disconnect and broken bond in the marriage.
Once the bond in a marriage is broken, it can become harder to repair it the more time goes on. When this happens, it is not surprising that many couples will begin to consider divorce or separation. However, you don’t have to abandon the ship right away. It may take work, but repairing the bond in your marriage is possible. Here are a few tips on how to do this.
Look Back To When You First Met
As time goes on, it is easy to lose sight of why you fell in love in the first place. Perhaps you have gotten into a comfortable routine with each other over the years. You are likely so used to your spouse now, that all the quirky little things that made you fall for them don’t affect you as much.
Repairing the bond in your marriage should start with remembering why. Remember why you decided to commit to this person. Reflecting on all of the things that made you drawn to them in the first place. If it helps, privately write down on your phone these little things that made you want to pursue them.
Think about what made you two click in the first place. Was it common interests? A shared experience of growing up? Thinking about these things can help you repair the bond by remembering what started the marriage and journey in the first place..
Think Of Your Shared History
Since you got married, you have both likely been through a lot. From kids, to family members passing, or career changes, your individual experiences affect the marriage too.
Was there a specific event that caused a shift in the marriage? Such as infidelity, a traumatic experience, or a family member passing? All of these, plus so much more, can have a profound effect on the individual and the marriage. Or maybe it was small changes throughout the years that have added stress and change on each of you.
Whatever your history may be, you can never repair the bond without acknowledging the little or big ways life has affected the marriage. Talking about the past, especially when it has caused turmoil, is always difficult. But, it must be done if you are to ever heal from the past and move towards a healthier future together.
Listen, Listen, and…LISTEN!
Communicating with your partner is more than just talking. Are you really listening to each other? Not just hearing what they are saying in an auditory way, but are you understanding what they are trying to tell you?
Too often, couples will only listen with their ears and not their minds and souls. This can really contribute to a broken bond in the marriage. If your partner does not feel truly heard, they are more likely to withdraw over time and stop trying. Lack of effective communication skills in marriage, unfortunately, is one of the leading causes of divorce or separation.
You can begin to repair your bond by just listening. Not listening for what you want to hear but what they are trying to communicate. It will make your partner feel heard and respected for the effort.
Marriage Counseling Can Help
Many couples are hesitant to go to marriage counseling. Understandably, they don’t want to admit that there are issues in their bond to a complete stranger. But, oftentimes, this is the exact thing the marriage needs in order to start mending the broken edges of their marriage.
Working with a marriage counselor can help you see, in a safe, non-judgmental space, where things have gone wrong in the relationship. And, if you already know that, a licensed therapist can help you find ways to move forward. It won’t be easy and will take work from both of you, but you’ll learn how to effectively communicate and move on from the past.
—
If you believe your marriage could benefit from counseling, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us today to get started.
