If anyone has ever told you that you were a perfectionist, they likely said it as a compliment. And, at that moment, you probably felt really proud that other people notice your great attention to detail. Or your impeccable ability with time or project management.
All of those things are admirable, that’s for sure. Sometimes, however, the excellence we strive for is not the best for our mental health. There is nothing wrong with always wanting to do and be the best that we can be.
However, when the hunt for “perfect” begins affecting your life or relationships, that is when it starts to be a problem. Let’s look at some classic signs of perfectionism and what causes them.
Unrealistic Expectations
Have you ever been told that you have too high of an expectation of other people? Or do other people notice when you become frustrated easily when something doesn’t go as planned? This is a classic sign that someone is dealing with perfectionism.
Life is constantly full of surprises and these often don’t line up with our expectations. For a perfectionist, they do not like surprises because they stray against what they want or expect.
Control Issues
If someone is a perfectionist, they likely also have an inherent need to be in control. Having control over other people and situations or projects can be really damaging to everyone involved. It causes the person with perfectionism to struggling not being able to let go. And for the people in their life, it’s just a frustrating experience when you feel that you are constantly being micromanaged.
Typically, these control issues are rooted deeper than the person may know and could be related to problems in childhood or situations when they weren’t in control and an outcome turned out negative.
Relationships Last, Perfectionism First
Everything has to be perfect. From the home to following a set routine and schedule, or planning activities. This can prevent relationships from truly thriving and growing.
If a parent is a perfectionist, they may demand that their child’s room is never messy and always looks super clean and organized. Or they may get irritated and annoyed when their child comes home with a less-than-stellar report card when they feel like the child should have all A’s.
Most parents struggle with both of these things, however, a perfectionist takes it a little too far sometimes.
Causes Of Perfectionism
There is no one specific cause of perfectionism. However, more often than not, perfectionism begins taking root in childhood. Whether it was from a parent who reacted negatively with every little thing and made them feel like mistakes couldn’t be made. Or feeling afraid that a parent would no longer love them if they did anything wrong, so they always strived to get it, “right.”
Our early childhood memories can be great, but they can also have long-lasting effects on our adulthoods.
Other Issues
In a lot of cases, a person who is a perfectionist will also have varying degrees of anxiety. Or may even deal with depression. Perfectionism, anxiety, and or depression can all just add fuel to each other’s fire and make things much worse.
What To Do About Perfectionism
It doesn’t matter how long someone has spent their life being a perfectionist. The brain is a powerful tool and can always be “rewired,” or taught new things. Including the knotted cord of perfectionism.
If you or someone you love is struggling with perfectionism, it’s important to reach out for help. With our support and guidance in anxiety treatment, we can help you learn what is truly fueling your perfectionism. Let’s connect soon.
