It somehow happened again.
You’re fighting with your partner. It didn’t seem like things would be able to get heated so quickly, but they did. And now you are left in a cycle of being angry and putting words out there that you may regret saying later on. But you don’t know how to stop it.
This is the reality for many couples. When you are angry with one another, no matter how small of a matter it may be over, it’s hard to get past it. Even when you know it’s over something silly, you can’t stop yourselves from arguing or getting mad at one another. Relationships are hard to navigate, especially when we already deal with so much in our personal lives. From careers, household and financial responsibilities, children, family, friends…the list goes on.
We’re all under a lot of pressure anymore and unfortunately, sometimes the stress of everyday life rolls into our relationships unintentionally. When you are angry with one another, it’s important to know how to communicate with each other in ways that will prevent things from escalating even more. Let’s go over some of these tips.
1. Think Before You Speak
This can’t be stressed enough. We all do it. We get mad about something and whatever comes into our minds is what blurted out. But how often do we blurt these words out and then regret them later? Not only that, but sometimes we say one thing but the tone of our voice implies something else.
Before you say something, think about what you are going to say. We know that’s easier said than done. But, it will help ensure that what you are about to say is not being said out of spite. Or is it something that will hurt your partner and make them even angrier?
2. You Don’t Have To Resolve Things Right Here And Now
This might be surprising to hear. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to battle it out until a resolution is met. In fact, when you are both angry, or even if only one of you is, the resolution is almost impossible to be met.
Instead, walk away from one another. Yes, that’s right. Give each other space. Don’t be afraid to say, “I don’t have the energy for this anymore, let’s agree to give each other some distance and we’ll revisit this later.” Then do just that. BUT, don’t wait and just not revisit it. That won’t resolve anything and will just ensure that this topic comes up again and causes stress on your relationship.
3. Listen, Don’t Just Speak
Your opinions and viewpoints matter. But so do theirs. We often have conversations that are one-sided. Sure, we are talking to them. But are we actually listening to them? Or are we only hearing what we have to say?
Relationships are a balancing act of learning to listen and knowing when to speak instead. Hear them out. What is their tone and how they are speaking? What are the words they are saying? When they are upset at you or vice versa, the conflict will be more easily resolved when you are both listening and speaking to each other from a place of understanding.
4. Learn Each Other’s Style Of Communicating
We all prefer to communicate in our own ways. Some people prefer to hash things out immediately. While others need time to cool off. Knowing your partner’s preference can do wonders for your relationship. It can not only help you deal with conflict in your relationship but can actually help you prevent it.
Relationships are hard. We are all human and can’t help that we get angry. But if you are finding that your are constantly arguing with your partner, it might mean something more is going on. Reach out to us for couples counseling so we can help you learn to communicate with each other in healthier ways.
